Monday, October 1, 2012

tarbiyyah sebuah hati

"Hai hati yang tenang tenteram! 
Kembalilah kepada tuhanmu dalam keadaan redha dan diredhai"
(al-Fajr : 27-28)

These past few weeks, have been a roller coaster ride, untuk hati ini. Dilemparkan padanya, cabaran, dugaan, tangisan, that repeatedly broke it into tiny pieces, dicamtum semula hanya untuk dipecahkan kembali. 
Lupa, pada tujuan hati ini dilabuhkan. Lupa, pada Pemilik sebenar sekeping hati.
Kalah, fatin kalah pada perasaan. Kalah pada isi dunia that successfully conquered this tiny heart.

Setiap hati yang sedih, pasti ade yang berusaha untuk memujuk hati. Soothing words, calming verses, heart-melting gestures, are all portrayed by them just to lift us up.

'Takpe, ni dugaan je ni, insyaALLAH DIA pasti tolong'
'fatin, ALLAH lebih tahu whats best for you, 
take this as an opportunity to be close to HIM'
'Dear, this is tarbiyyah from HIM to you. dont regret on what had happen 
but take it as tarbiyyah dari Dia'

Tarbiyyah sebuah hati....
terjumpe sebuah coretan, that present me with the new sight of this tarbiyyah.
what has happened is His way of challenging me in this world
but what I will do to overcome this sadness, this choice, 
is my route of tarbiyyah.
will I remain steadfast with my decision..
is there a room in my heart to start moving on...
mampu ke hati ni tahan kesedihan from this..

i cant answer all those, but i know, I have to. I need to. 
For me, for those involve. 

Tenteramlah wahai hati, redhalah wahai hati

“Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu. ALLAH SWT mengetahui sedangkan kamu tidak.” 
(al-Baqarah, 216)

what we wanted, may not be what He has planned, 
what we thought for us, may just be for someone else,
thus open your heart for He surely will give us something more, something better, 
something that we pray hard will bring us closer, to Jannah, to HIM.

and i will surely remind myself again and again,
sedih tu, a part of human emotion
tapi qadha n qadar itu, a BIG part of muslim's eeman.

Come on fatin, you can do this! :)

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

of being akak 'Skirt'

People always have something to say about others, be it for fun, to criticize, praising or just simply because they run out of topic to talk about. Especially, when it comes to appearance.

Why do people put a big deal on how we look, how they look?

Some with hardly any clothing on, some put on loose shirt and skirt but everything is see-thru, others with the only-black-theme, some wear those you-call-them-muslimah- dress-but-its-tight?, some doesn't have enough shirt to put on I guess, or now, Korean-wave dresses. Thats Malaysia, a country we called a Muslim country. Where dressing isnt about covering the aurat anymore, isnt about being modest or for protection, it becomes something to show off, to brag about branding. Its all fashion, trends, and if you are out-of-trend, kate org kelantan, darak.

Summer 2010
Thats the starting point of how I am today.

It was mid of June, when ummi said, 'sopannya diorg tu kan, sejuk hati ibu mengandung' (pointing towards a group of ladies wearing tudung labuh, baju labuh, skirt or loose pants). Tengok diri sendiri, fail ke anak ummi ni? Ok, Tudung ta berape labuh, baju pun xberape labuh, pakai seluar ta berape loose, tp dah pakai stokin ni mi. somedays, fatin pakai baju kurung kaan.?
Ummi: Tapi Dia tengok kita setiap masa kan? bukan somedays?
(please note the changes in loghat affecting the real sentence but still carry out the same meaning, as pening nk taip dlm bahase kelantan, haha)

Coming back to the States, I started to throw out things that I shouldnt be wearing. alhamdulILLAH, thanks to ALLAH for opening my eyes, to the beauty of dressing down, modestly. No more jeans for me from then,  no more a little tight-fitting bajubaju yang cantik tu, no more pants. Lets start the day with a skirt. Thats where I got my little-name, akak skirt, since the past 2 years, I only wear skirts and baju kurung luar rumah, unless for sports.
Kenape pakai skirt? 
Xleyh ke pakai seluar? Islam ta cakap pun takleyh. Pakailah seluar yg loose, boleyh je kan. 
Sushla nk cari skirt, mahal plak tu. 
Nanti musim sejuk, takkan nk pakai skirt. 
Tak sush ke nk bergerak pakai skirt. Nanti nk jalan pun susah. 

Living here, surrounded by the blonde, the brunette, the black, white, name anything you will definitely find one, I am blessed with the fact that I am a Muslim. Proud to be one. 
You live in a community where you are the minority, when everything you do or say or wear, becomes a news to others. Representing the religion you are, how should we be?
Oleh itu, untuk saya yg hina lagi daif ni, I need to do something to tell the world of how beautiful Islam is. Nak gi berarak bawak banner mmg taklah, nak gi berceramah sini sane takder ilmu, all I have is me and how I put myself out there.

Today, my classmate put a smile and said, 'We have been in the same class for three semester, and you never fail to amaze me with your skirts. Is this how Muslim suppose to dress?'

Fatin Farhana is far from being a good Muslim, banyak lagi weaknesses that I own, but personally, I dont wear pants cause I think it suffocates me. I also think that wearing pants still is a little bit sexy sebab still nmpak shape kaki. And yes, Islam tak cakap pun takboleh pakai seluar, and again, I am not saying how I dress is the correct way, boleh je pakai seluar. But please pay attention to how it was cut, loose or tight, where does the shape highlighting, when it is not appropriate for you to wear it. 

Wearing a skirt does not mean you are pious and good servant, its just a choice that we made on how to dress accordingly, abiding the words of Quran in covering the aurat.
 And that it is for me, a choice.

Wahai Nabi katakanlah kepada isteri-isterimu,

anak-anak perempuanmu dan isteri-isteri
orang mukmin: "Hendaklah mereka mengulurkan
jilbabnya ke seluruh tubuh mereka".
Yang demikian itu supaya mereka lebih mudah

untuk dikenal, karana itu mereka tidak diganggu.
Dan Allah adalah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang". 
Surah Al.Ahzab (59)

I am not proud of being call 'akak skirt', cause with it comes a huge responsibility. 
To always be modest
To always pay attention to what you wear and how you bring yourself up to the accepted level.
To berhati2 dalam menjawab soalan kenape asyek pakai skirt je
and to always know that I am being watch, by those that in their heart, there's a tendency to change for better, but in need of a little push. 

with prayer and effort,
I hope that He sees right thru me and bless me with the courage to istiqamah on my choice
cause it has definitely been hard and tough, to live in the world where what matters is how you look
and i deeply pray that eventhough i didnt wear tudung labuh, baju labuh smpai lutut, i manage to make my mom say, ummi sejuk hati tengok anak ummi sopan everyday. 

p/s: this is only a reminder, for you and especially, again and again, for me. 

Friday, January 13, 2012

what is right


i was talking(skyping) with my izyan baru tadi, biaselah, berborak hal-hal keperempuanan (is this even a word? :p) ..
and it hit me when she ask

"how do we know what is right?"

how do we sure its the right thing to do,
the right person he/she is to listen to?

What is the best answer i could give?

kalau dah nampak betol, so its the right thing?
tak langgar agama then its what should we go for?
dah ramai orang nasihat to choose that route so that should be it? the one?

and the only thing that comes to my mind is only FAITH.

i am surely not the best person to talk about it, -_-" (bilelah nak jadi baek ni...)

but, i think all should know, what FAITH is.

istikharah. the main and major, the IT thing now for youth.

Istikharah means to ask Allah to guide you to the path best for you concerning an affair with two halal options. In matters that are wajib (obligatory), haram (forbidden) or makruh (disliked) there is no need to pray Istikharah. Salaat-ul-Istikharah should only be used for matters that are mubah (allowed) or in matters that are mustahabb (liked or encouraged), in which there is a decision to be made as to which one should be given priority

knape kiter bergantung kepada istikharah?
wat istikharah untuk pilih yg mane satu nak wat suami?
istikharah nak masok uni mane... nak pilih jalan A ke jalan B ke...

and then we waited patiently for the signs, mimpi mimpi indah~ terserempak di tengah jalan~
tibetibe surat tawaran uni laen kene air pina colada (please try sedap sangaaat~) tinggal uni yg satu tu je, (hikhik)

and terjumpe poem the road not taken kat internet...

too many of us, (even me oso dulu dulu), wat istikharah, bace doa istikharah, pastu dengan excitednye pegi tido cepatcepat nak mimpi bestbest.. huhu

while some shall believe the dreams, the signs, i would really advise us to go with the Faith. the say of our heart.

doing istikharah means we put our decisions on Him. solely to HIM. believe that He will give you whats best for the time being.. however, do believe that the future is not in our control. take whatever comes and ask for direction from Him.
and insyaALLAH, once we start tanam faith in heart on Him, mesti ALLAH akan balas balek kan? Dia sayang kita right...

so insyaALLAH, our istikharah may not comes with the dreams, may not give us any hints or signs, but pray for the strength in heart, kerana itu yg kiter akan pegang to move on and decide..
to those who the istikharah clearly gives away dreams and 'healthy' sign, again, follow what your heart says.
insyaALLAH, if we do it for the right reason, the right things will we move on to. 

pray for the Faith and keyakinan dalam hati. He is there. have faith in that.

p/s please please, beware of was-was. Its mr Red games kan? its his job.