Monday, October 1, 2012

tarbiyyah sebuah hati

"Hai hati yang tenang tenteram! 
Kembalilah kepada tuhanmu dalam keadaan redha dan diredhai"
(al-Fajr : 27-28)

These past few weeks, have been a roller coaster ride, untuk hati ini. Dilemparkan padanya, cabaran, dugaan, tangisan, that repeatedly broke it into tiny pieces, dicamtum semula hanya untuk dipecahkan kembali. 
Lupa, pada tujuan hati ini dilabuhkan. Lupa, pada Pemilik sebenar sekeping hati.
Kalah, fatin kalah pada perasaan. Kalah pada isi dunia that successfully conquered this tiny heart.

Setiap hati yang sedih, pasti ade yang berusaha untuk memujuk hati. Soothing words, calming verses, heart-melting gestures, are all portrayed by them just to lift us up.

'Takpe, ni dugaan je ni, insyaALLAH DIA pasti tolong'
'fatin, ALLAH lebih tahu whats best for you, 
take this as an opportunity to be close to HIM'
'Dear, this is tarbiyyah from HIM to you. dont regret on what had happen 
but take it as tarbiyyah dari Dia'

Tarbiyyah sebuah hati....
terjumpe sebuah coretan, that present me with the new sight of this tarbiyyah.
what has happened is His way of challenging me in this world
but what I will do to overcome this sadness, this choice, 
is my route of tarbiyyah.
will I remain steadfast with my decision..
is there a room in my heart to start moving on...
mampu ke hati ni tahan kesedihan from this..

i cant answer all those, but i know, I have to. I need to. 
For me, for those involve. 

Tenteramlah wahai hati, redhalah wahai hati

“Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu. ALLAH SWT mengetahui sedangkan kamu tidak.” 
(al-Baqarah, 216)

what we wanted, may not be what He has planned, 
what we thought for us, may just be for someone else,
thus open your heart for He surely will give us something more, something better, 
something that we pray hard will bring us closer, to Jannah, to HIM.

and i will surely remind myself again and again,
sedih tu, a part of human emotion
tapi qadha n qadar itu, a BIG part of muslim's eeman.

Come on fatin, you can do this! :)

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

of being akak 'Skirt'

People always have something to say about others, be it for fun, to criticize, praising or just simply because they run out of topic to talk about. Especially, when it comes to appearance.

Why do people put a big deal on how we look, how they look?

Some with hardly any clothing on, some put on loose shirt and skirt but everything is see-thru, others with the only-black-theme, some wear those you-call-them-muslimah- dress-but-its-tight?, some doesn't have enough shirt to put on I guess, or now, Korean-wave dresses. Thats Malaysia, a country we called a Muslim country. Where dressing isnt about covering the aurat anymore, isnt about being modest or for protection, it becomes something to show off, to brag about branding. Its all fashion, trends, and if you are out-of-trend, kate org kelantan, darak.

Summer 2010
Thats the starting point of how I am today.

It was mid of June, when ummi said, 'sopannya diorg tu kan, sejuk hati ibu mengandung' (pointing towards a group of ladies wearing tudung labuh, baju labuh, skirt or loose pants). Tengok diri sendiri, fail ke anak ummi ni? Ok, Tudung ta berape labuh, baju pun xberape labuh, pakai seluar ta berape loose, tp dah pakai stokin ni mi. somedays, fatin pakai baju kurung kaan.?
Ummi: Tapi Dia tengok kita setiap masa kan? bukan somedays?
(please note the changes in loghat affecting the real sentence but still carry out the same meaning, as pening nk taip dlm bahase kelantan, haha)

Coming back to the States, I started to throw out things that I shouldnt be wearing. alhamdulILLAH, thanks to ALLAH for opening my eyes, to the beauty of dressing down, modestly. No more jeans for me from then,  no more a little tight-fitting bajubaju yang cantik tu, no more pants. Lets start the day with a skirt. Thats where I got my little-name, akak skirt, since the past 2 years, I only wear skirts and baju kurung luar rumah, unless for sports.
Kenape pakai skirt? 
Xleyh ke pakai seluar? Islam ta cakap pun takleyh. Pakailah seluar yg loose, boleyh je kan. 
Sushla nk cari skirt, mahal plak tu. 
Nanti musim sejuk, takkan nk pakai skirt. 
Tak sush ke nk bergerak pakai skirt. Nanti nk jalan pun susah. 

Living here, surrounded by the blonde, the brunette, the black, white, name anything you will definitely find one, I am blessed with the fact that I am a Muslim. Proud to be one. 
You live in a community where you are the minority, when everything you do or say or wear, becomes a news to others. Representing the religion you are, how should we be?
Oleh itu, untuk saya yg hina lagi daif ni, I need to do something to tell the world of how beautiful Islam is. Nak gi berarak bawak banner mmg taklah, nak gi berceramah sini sane takder ilmu, all I have is me and how I put myself out there.

Today, my classmate put a smile and said, 'We have been in the same class for three semester, and you never fail to amaze me with your skirts. Is this how Muslim suppose to dress?'

Fatin Farhana is far from being a good Muslim, banyak lagi weaknesses that I own, but personally, I dont wear pants cause I think it suffocates me. I also think that wearing pants still is a little bit sexy sebab still nmpak shape kaki. And yes, Islam tak cakap pun takboleh pakai seluar, and again, I am not saying how I dress is the correct way, boleh je pakai seluar. But please pay attention to how it was cut, loose or tight, where does the shape highlighting, when it is not appropriate for you to wear it. 

Wearing a skirt does not mean you are pious and good servant, its just a choice that we made on how to dress accordingly, abiding the words of Quran in covering the aurat.
 And that it is for me, a choice.

Wahai Nabi katakanlah kepada isteri-isterimu,

anak-anak perempuanmu dan isteri-isteri
orang mukmin: "Hendaklah mereka mengulurkan
jilbabnya ke seluruh tubuh mereka".
Yang demikian itu supaya mereka lebih mudah

untuk dikenal, karana itu mereka tidak diganggu.
Dan Allah adalah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang". 
Surah Al.Ahzab (59)

I am not proud of being call 'akak skirt', cause with it comes a huge responsibility. 
To always be modest
To always pay attention to what you wear and how you bring yourself up to the accepted level.
To berhati2 dalam menjawab soalan kenape asyek pakai skirt je
and to always know that I am being watch, by those that in their heart, there's a tendency to change for better, but in need of a little push. 

with prayer and effort,
I hope that He sees right thru me and bless me with the courage to istiqamah on my choice
cause it has definitely been hard and tough, to live in the world where what matters is how you look
and i deeply pray that eventhough i didnt wear tudung labuh, baju labuh smpai lutut, i manage to make my mom say, ummi sejuk hati tengok anak ummi sopan everyday. 

p/s: this is only a reminder, for you and especially, again and again, for me. 

Friday, January 13, 2012

what is right


i was talking(skyping) with my izyan baru tadi, biaselah, berborak hal-hal keperempuanan (is this even a word? :p) ..
and it hit me when she ask

"how do we know what is right?"

how do we sure its the right thing to do,
the right person he/she is to listen to?

What is the best answer i could give?

kalau dah nampak betol, so its the right thing?
tak langgar agama then its what should we go for?
dah ramai orang nasihat to choose that route so that should be it? the one?

and the only thing that comes to my mind is only FAITH.

i am surely not the best person to talk about it, -_-" (bilelah nak jadi baek ni...)

but, i think all should know, what FAITH is.

istikharah. the main and major, the IT thing now for youth.

Istikharah means to ask Allah to guide you to the path best for you concerning an affair with two halal options. In matters that are wajib (obligatory), haram (forbidden) or makruh (disliked) there is no need to pray Istikharah. Salaat-ul-Istikharah should only be used for matters that are mubah (allowed) or in matters that are mustahabb (liked or encouraged), in which there is a decision to be made as to which one should be given priority

knape kiter bergantung kepada istikharah?
wat istikharah untuk pilih yg mane satu nak wat suami?
istikharah nak masok uni mane... nak pilih jalan A ke jalan B ke...

and then we waited patiently for the signs, mimpi mimpi indah~ terserempak di tengah jalan~
tibetibe surat tawaran uni laen kene air pina colada (please try sedap sangaaat~) tinggal uni yg satu tu je, (hikhik)

and terjumpe poem the road not taken kat internet...

too many of us, (even me oso dulu dulu), wat istikharah, bace doa istikharah, pastu dengan excitednye pegi tido cepatcepat nak mimpi bestbest.. huhu

while some shall believe the dreams, the signs, i would really advise us to go with the Faith. the say of our heart.

doing istikharah means we put our decisions on Him. solely to HIM. believe that He will give you whats best for the time being.. however, do believe that the future is not in our control. take whatever comes and ask for direction from Him.
and insyaALLAH, once we start tanam faith in heart on Him, mesti ALLAH akan balas balek kan? Dia sayang kita right...

so insyaALLAH, our istikharah may not comes with the dreams, may not give us any hints or signs, but pray for the strength in heart, kerana itu yg kiter akan pegang to move on and decide..
to those who the istikharah clearly gives away dreams and 'healthy' sign, again, follow what your heart says.
insyaALLAH, if we do it for the right reason, the right things will we move on to. 

pray for the Faith and keyakinan dalam hati. He is there. have faith in that.

p/s please please, beware of was-was. Its mr Red games kan? its his job.

Friday, September 16, 2011

need to start writing.

Monday, June 6, 2011

life value

a) have not update the blog for months..
b) soul-food program(s) attended these days? unchecked!
c) home cook meal and mom's love is 7 hours away
d) keeping up with usrah(s)? way way behind.... :(
z) whats new with your deen? OUTDATED!

am writing this post, in front of my new boss (internship in place, zzzz, -_-) with a tired mind, hands, eyes and everything i could feel tired with.
now I miss my life as student in States, with all those encouraging people surround, not in this tiny glass office that only gives me tons of cars passing by down below...*sigh*

is this what we call threshold izyan? cause if we do, this is my bottom-test threshold.

summer yg tak seindah yg dimimpi..
eeman mendatar, atau mungkin turun bergolek.

Islam yang bersemngat tinggi dibumi sana.
inilah cabaran hidup di M'sia.

aku kalah,
pada tuntutan dunia.

life value? ZERO.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful (1)
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds, (2) The Beneficent, the Merciful. (3) Owner of the Day of Judgment, (4) Thee (alone) we worship; Thee (alone) we ask for help. (5) Show us the straight path, (6) The path of those whom Thou hast favoured. Not (the path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray. (7)

untuk 'Ammi Sa'ari Che Kob;

ku mohon doa agar rohmu ditempatkan bersama alMu'minuun.

agar diampunkan segala kejahilan duniawi dan diberkati segala ilmu akhrawi

Fatin mohon kemaafan bagi pihak PakDa atas salah silap terhadap yang masih didunia...

kerana dunia ini sementara, sebuah persinggahan yang indah diluaran sahaja

dan PakDa dipilih untuk meneruskan perjalanan, menemui Sang Pencipta yang lebih menyayangi.

kerana masa PakDa sudah tiba..

and I, who still am drowning in the sea of sins,

ignoring the truth and following the youth..

without realizing that my time could be near, could be now,

could be tomorrow, nor will i ever know.

Everyday, I asked Him for so many things.

I asked for Jannah, I asked for success in this world and hereafter,

I asked for forgiveness of the sins of mine and of people that I love,

I asked for safety of those people, safety of the Ummah.

I asked for blessing to be kept on this road of Al-Haq,

I asked for so many things..that i forgot to ask.

Oh ALLAH, give me the Heart of Al-Mahdi; the heart of people who received hidayah with calm and acceptance. The heart that surrender to Your arrangement.

‎"Tidak ada suatu musibah pun yang menimpa seseorang kecuali dengan izin ALLAH; dan barangsiapa yang beriman kepada ALLAH niscaya Dia akan memberi petunjuk kepada hatinya. dan Allah Maha mengetahui segala sesuatu." (64:11)

Kerana ku sedar yaALLAH, aturanMu adalah yang paling tersusun buat kami

kuatkanlah ayahku, kuatkanlah ibuku, kuatkanlah kaum keluargaku,

kuatkanlah kami yaALLAH

kami memerlukan kekuatanMu untuk menghadapi yang belum pasti.

kerana masa kami akan tiba pasti.

AL-Fatihah for myUncle, who passed away this morning..

May ALLAH has his soul places in Jannatun Naeem.


ALLAHumma ameen.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Sandwich Jannah.. saya nak satu!


Sandwich Jannah.. saya nak satu!
Sandwich Jannah.. mahalnya harga.
Sandwich Jannah.. tak kire nak jugak satu!

" Dan segeralah kamu kepada (mengerjakan amal-amal yang baik untuk mendapat) keampunan dari Tuhan kamu, dan (mendapat) Syurga yang bidangnya seluas segala langit dan bumi, yang disediakan bagi orang-orang yang bertaqwa;

Iaitu orang-orang yang mendermakan hartanya pada masa senang dan susah, dan orang-orang yang menahan kemarahannya, dan orang-orang yang memaafkan kesalahan orang. Dan (ingatlah), Allah mengasihi orang-orang yang berbuat perkara-perkara yang baik;

Dan juga orang-orang yang apabila melakukan perbuatan keji, atau menganiaya diri sendiri, mereka segera ingat kepada Allah lalu memohon ampun akan dosa mereka – dan sememangnya tidak ada yang mengampunkan dosa-dosa melainkan Allah -, dan mereka juga tidak meneruskan perbuatan keji yang mereka telah lakukan itu, sedang mereka mengetahui (akan salahnya dan akibatnya).

Orang-orang yang demikian sifatnya, balasannya ialah keampunan dari Tuhan mereka, dan Syurga-syurga yang mengalir di bawahnya beberapa sungai, mereka kekal di dalamnya; dan yang demikian itulah sebaik-baik balasan (bagi) orang-orang yang beramal."
[3: 133-136]

Istimewanya ayat2 ni..tengok, diapit syurga.

kategori manusiaa yang diapit syurga. the essential parts and powerful tools to human being.
kerana meraka ni disebut diantara jannah, permulaan dan pengakhirannye jannah

Run towards the forgiveness of ALLAH
- kiter berlari apabila benda itu penting..we dont run towards thing we dont need
we run to catch the bus.. we run to work to get on time
dan bila yang perlu adalah untuk kiter berlari mengejar pengampunan ALLAH,
maka aknowledge we are in need of ALLAH's forgiveness..
and to ask forgiveness, kiter kene jadi hamba yg sedar kiter dah buat satu kesalahan, berjuta kesalahan.
dan ingatlah, no matter how good we are as Muslim, we are never free of sins.
we'll never get to the standars that ALLAH has set for us.
maka, RUN towards the forgivesness from Him.. berlari, lari mengejar yg Pasti.

Run towards this Garden of Jannah
yang memenuhi kebesaran antara bumi dan langit
our permanant 'residence'.. penginapan 'selama-lamanya'
yang disediakan untuk mereka yang bertaqwa. (u'iddat lilmuttaqin)

dan siapakan mereka ini, hamba yang bertaqwa?

- menderma pada masa susah dan senang..
the amount is never a matter, its the action. it include time, youth, money and everything is for the sake of ALLAH. and letting go something that we love, is giving...

- walkazhimi nal ghoiz.. - swallowing your anger..walkazimi , swallow, telan...
not only you have to be quiet when you're angry, you need to hide it as though its not even there!
and you have to do this all the time.
susahnya! oh susahnya!

kita mengaharpkan ALLAH untuk tidak marah, murka kepada kejahilan kita,
tapi here we are, trying to be angry towards mereka yang tarafnya adalah sama, seorang hamba.

- memaafkan manusia kerana cinta, sayang.
sukarnya untuk memaafkan kesalahan manusia terhadap kita.
apatah lagi, memaafkan out of love of ALLAH
but know now, we are not forgiving them because they deserve the forgiveness.
we are not forgiving them because they ask for forgiveness.
we forgive them because we want to be in this list, the list of alMuttaqeen, people of Taqwa
so we forgive for our ownself.

"saya tak mampu, saya tak mampu!"


dan meraka yang apabila melakukan kesalahan atau dianiaya oleh orang lain
those who did any act of shamelessness, or wrong themself in any other way,
dan meraka yang ditules oleh ALLAH ini adalah people of Muttaqeen..
people of Muttaqqeen.
kerana ALLAH nak kiter sedar, mereka juga membuat kesalahan, kerana kiter adalah hamba.

namun yang membezakan the true people of Taqwa ialah,
immediately after they did wrong,
ZAKARULLAHA - mereka mengingati ALLAH
dan mereka memohon ampun atas kesalahan itu
kerana who forgive sins except ALLAH.

-_-" banyak nye dosa saya.. oh oh

dan hadiah, ganjaran terbesar untuk mereka diatas?
cepat teke!

"forgiveness from their Lord and gardens beneath which rivers flow [in Paradise],
where in there they will abide eternally"

Sandwich Jannah.. saya nak satu!
Sandwich Jannah.. oh susahnyaaa, banyak nyer rule.
Sandwich Jannah.. waaaa, mahalnyaa!
Sandwich Jannah.. tapi saya masih nak satu!

Monday, February 21, 2011

hati ini, Rindu.


pade kebahagiaan dan ketenangan bila bersama meraka.
pada kasih sayang yang ada
dari pandangan mata,
namun dekat dalam hati yang sering menyeru,
dan sesungguhnya aku Rindu,
pada mereka berdua,
yang memahamiku dari pandangan berbeza.
oh ALLAH, aku rindu.
kerana kami jauh,
jagakan mereka untuk aku.
kerana mereka jua duniaku.
dan kumahukan mereka juga untuk akhiratku.
kerana mereka,
ku ingin kesyurga bersama.
dan aku masih rindu.

--Aidilfitri, 2008--

buat along n adek, jaga diri, jaga eeman, jaga ALLAH dan jaga Rasulnya,..
dan jagakan diri ini yang maseh diselubungi dunia.

Saya Rindu.
maka ALLAH, panjangkan umurku walau sehari, dan ampunkan dosaku untuk setiap saat ku didunia, agar dapat ku bertemu mereka didunia, dan disyurga sana.
Ameeen ALLAH humma ameen.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

rama-rama indah

by fatin, Feb 8

ALLAHumma ameen..

Sunday, February 6, 2011

a wish...tranquility..

"And to Allah belongs the east and the west. So wherever you [might] turn, there is the Face of Allah . Indeed, Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing" [2:115]
kesulitan itu nikmat sebuah cabaran.
dan dari kesulitan, tercari-cari sebuah ketenangan, secebis kebahagiaan..

then I found myself longing for a beautiful place,
to find the pieces of Him in His creations..

subhanALLAH, alhamdulILLAH
while looking out through the bridge, over the freezing river, falling rain, open sky..
it feels like I could hear the zikr that they made to the Creator...
cause they are the highly obedient abd in this world, and how envy I am towards them..
and there, I found my calmness, tranquility.. the sound of nature...
that belongs to Him and Him only

reminds me of His words;
...kemana kamu menghadap, disitulah wajah ALLAH....

almakaan aljamil.
inna ALLAH ha jamiil,
wa uhibbul jamaaal.

The beautiful place.
Sesungguhnya ALLAH itu cantik,
dan kusukai sebuah kecantikan..

bizikrILLAH; insyaALLAH, akan dihadiahkan ketenangan yang dicari..
kerana alam jua turut berzikir, dan alam dipenuhi dgn ketenangan abadi....

p/s: thanks Asilahani 4 the amazing picture.. ^^
p/s II: heart and kisses to my three sisters yg layan fatin all way in this short trip...:)